Contentment from the Roots

I just read a blog post by a mom who decided to get rid of ALL of her childrens' toys. She loved the results...less mess, less fighting, more creativity, more appreciation for experiences, more contentment. Or so it appeared.

On one hand, I would LOVE to do that. I would love to get rid of the constant messes. I would love to encourage more creative play and see my children get along better and be more content. I might even be less frustrated and more content. Right?

 I'm not convinced that this is the way to go about developing true contentment. From the heart contentment. It seems to me that this would merely serve to hide the real gaping problem of ingratitude under a Band-Aid.

First, if my children aren't believers, they will never experience true contentment, no matter how it may appear on the outside. It might last a little while...but their human, sinful hearts will always want something ELSE that they don't already have, whether it's more or less. We're all like that.

Second, having less (or more) may temporarily eliminate some temptations that make contentment more difficult...but never deal with the heart issue. I personally struggle with the idolatry of cleanliness and orderliness. No, there is nothing wrong with those things. But there is something wrong with my heart when I treat my family sinfully if I don't have them. I think many homeschooling moms struggle with this very idol. We want our homes to be orderly and clean. We want a smooth schedule. We want children who behave themselves. But I think we often don't go the right way about these things. We act like the solution is external. We just need less stuff. We need to be more organized. We need a better system. We need to go through practical steps A-Z to train our kids (much like they were pets) to behave in a desirable way. These things aren't Bad. They aren't Unhelpful. But they are fruits and not roots. The sin of discontent comes from the heart. We can't change our own or our childrens' discontent hearts by changing our circumstances.

"Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire,

he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived,

it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

James 1:14-15

The gospel is the ultimate solution. The work of the Lord in the heart is the means. The meditation of a child of God on His perfect, sanctifying word and reliance on His Spirit working through this is what we need. It's what my children need. I can't change their hearts. I can only work out my own salvation, love my children in a self-sacrificing and Christ-like way, and pray for God to do His miraculous saving and sanctifying work in their lives as I strive to obey Him in my parenting.

What is the key to contentment? It's not having less. It's not having more. It has absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances in which I find myself. It has nothing to do with a better chore system or a better toy organizing system or a smaller house (or bigger), or moving out to the farm or moving into the suburbs. It has to do with my heart attitude. 

 

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,

whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
Philippians 4:11-12

 

The apostle Paul had reached a point of spiritual maturity in which it didn't matter what he had or didn't have. He had experienced both and it didn't matter. He was content in either. He knew the secret. So also can we moms have deep contentment even when there are crumbs and Cheerios all over the kitchen floor, various mysterious sticky substances all over the counters,  Legos and Polly Pocket toys and play dishes and dress up and dirty laundry and books and papers and pencils and crayons and bits of trash on the floor, unmade beds and disobedient children. We can truly have joy and contentment and gratitude when we are training/disciplining our children in keeping their things picked up or in sharing their toys or in the times when we are in a hurry. We can be full of joy in Christ when the house is a chaotic mess. That doesn't mean we leave it that way, but it means that our joy doesn't depend on it being that way. We can have joy when our children don't obey us...because our joy isn't dependent on them. We too, can have the secret that Paul speaks of. It's in verse 13.

 

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

Phil. 4:13

 

When the Lord Jesus Christ is my strength, it doesn't matter what goes on in my environment or what disagreeable task I am called upon to do over and over again. The mess is inconsequential when it comes to my contentment. I will do what I can about it but won't idolize being orderly. I won't get upset (even inwardly!) when my kiddos track mud onto my newly cleaned kitchen floor. I won't get frustrated when I constantly find little toys and messes everywhere I go. I won't get angry when my younger son rebelliously won't clean his room for weeks at a time regardless of the discipline. Contentment doesn't mean I won't do anything about these things. That's not contentment, that's laziness. But it means that in the midst of the hard and repetitive and sometimes seemingly fruitless work of teaching my children to clean up after themselves and even others, to share what they have, and in disciplining my rebellious child(ren),  I will do it graciously, and in love and with the right motives. I will care more about the condition of my own heart and helping my children see why we want them to do these things, not just getting them to do them. I pray for true lasting contentment in both myself and my kiddos, that the fruit of orderliness and cleanliness might come from hearts of love and service, toward God first and then toward other people. Even more importantly, that they might also learn to be content whether living in plenty or in want...because Christ is their strength as well. I have no idea what kind of life God might call them to as adults, but I am certain that they will each need to learn the lessons of true contentment regardless of their situation.

 

Do I just want a life of order and calm? That can very easily turn to idolatry. Or do I want be Christ like and humble and loving no matter who or what throws a wrench into the things I prefer to have? True contentment isn't attained by removing the some of the temptations to being discontent. (We can't remove it all. We carry our discontented hearts with us no matter what external changes we make.) It's attained by leaning and looking to Christ for my strength, no matter what my Sovereign Lord allows to go on around me. He is in charge and He loves me perfectly and is working to make me more like Him. I can rest content in Him.